My mom is a southern belle who would choose the beach over the city any day. When I asked her what her three words were to describe New York, she paused and said, “It’s New York. “It’s kind of crazy.”
Before departing from Pier 88 on Norwegian Joy Cruises, I put together a Midtown sightseeing tour for her with almost no planning. The Times She took pictures in the Square, visited Margaritaville, took a walk watching her Fox News (she wanted a photo of her), and strolled by the New York Times (she wanted her to take her picture). I even managed to cross a few things off my own New York to-do list: the public restrooms at the gorgeous Bryant Park and the original Winnie the Pooh at the New York Public Library (both Pooh-related).
We retreated to our hotel’s oasis in the chaos of midtown. With its crisp sheets, plentiful pillows, and trays of goodies including its signature guitar-shaped white chocolate, the Hard Rock Hotel is surprisingly sophisticated, considering it gets its name from a kitschy cafe. It had been. We prepared dinner and enjoyed snacks and meals at RT60, the Hard Rock Hotel’s chic rooftop bar, with views of Midtown. After living in New York for 7 years, I was impressed with my pseudo-tour guide abilities. Of course, the easiest way to please tourists in New York is to show them around the tall buildings. When we returned to our room, we realized we were not alone. On the wooden door leading into the bathroom was a large black and white photo of The Boss. Bruce was also watching when we were using the bathroom.
Photo: Provided by Zach Zimmerman | Zach mustered up the courage to go to Times Square and take a photo of his mother there.
But most of the time I spent with my mom wasn’t actually in New York. In addition to falling in love with this city again, I’ve been trying to heal old family wounds. My latest theory is that new experiences shared together might work, or at least bring us back in time in a less painful way. The chosen experience was a week long cruise. I would spend 144 straight hours in a balcony stateroom with the woman who created me.
Those who don’t spend their days gazing at the Hudson River may not realize that New York is home to a bustling cruise ship terminal. Just blocks from Times Square, you can get a ticket to a tropical destination without hopping on a plane.
Norwegian Joy welcomed my mother and me to a week of food, fun, and family healing. (As my therapist warned me, “Don’t expect after-school specials.”) Our balcony stateroom started with one bed, and a stewardess quickly kindly shared a bed with us. It was an ironic beginning to a trip that was supposed to bring us together. .
We explored that majestic ship during our day at sea. Lively casino (who knew my mom gambled?), delicious cocktails (my mom can’t drink, but I had my first black Manhattan, which quickly became my favorite. drinks), and delicious four-course dinners every night. “This is the best lobster I’ve ever eaten. I worked at Red Lobster for 38 and a half years,” my mother said. We both agreed to be open to new things during our adventures. My mother tried the escargot and I tried her Cagney steak (I’m a vegetarian, so don’t judge me). She didn’t care about the spicy Indian food on the buffet which I loved.
Photo: Provided by Zach Zimmerman
The highlight of the cruise for both of us was the new thermal suite at Mandara Spa. Hot tubs, steam rooms, ice rooms (my mom and I had mini snowball fights), saunas, and our common nemesis, the frigid plunge. After he sweated and chatted for 15 minutes in the sauna, we decided to step up and jump into the frigid area to cool down. The mother’s duration was about 7 seconds, and she was screaming for 6 of those seconds. With lots of encouragement, I managed to last 3 minutes.
“Breathe. Breathe,” Mom said.
“I guess this is what childbirth feels like,” I said.
“This is something completely different than giving birth,” she said.
We relaxed in one of the many heated lounge chairs, enjoyed some quiet time away from the more lively parts of the ship, and shared memories of our childhood holidays, including: Some I had never heard of before.
By putting myself in a new environment, I realized that we both have similar rhythms. We both wake up around 9am, don’t get hungry until the afternoon, and enjoy 1-2-4 late night sweets. Luckily, Freestyle Her Cruising is perfect for late hunger pangs and late night sensibilities.
Photo: Provided by Zach Zimmerman
We spent a few nights in Bermuda, so we had plenty of time to get used to island life. A catamaran ride into the sunset with unlimited rum, a tour to the majestic Crystal Cave discovered by her two boys who were looking for a cricket ball, and a horseshoe on the pink sand beach Enjoy a must-see visit to her bay. Her mother has always loved the ocean, and now she’s a little worried that I’ve ruined her mother’s hometown of Myrtle Beach. After seeing Bermuda’s bluest sea and white sand that never gets hot, how can she go back? “Bermuda is the last stop on the way to heaven,” the taxi driver told us But it seemed a little creepy to say while driving down a very narrow road.
Fast, unlimited Wi-Fi kept us connected at home (my dad called and texted five times a day, so it could have been too much), but it didn’t allow for photos or It helped me to share my experiences through text. Or it could be a lifeline in case of an argument. . However, the most surprising thing about this cruise was how well we became friends. Maybe we were on each other’s best behavior, or maybe it’s easy to get along on the clouds, but the cruise was a fun and therapeutic week for us. If we had had to plan a vacation together, I’m sure we would have fought, but we just had to choose from a menu of food, activities, and excursions, and we were taken care of so much. My stress was at its peak as I opened the door for a meaningful conversation in a deep voice. What I thought might be dangerous – close sharing, long-term contact for a week – produced exactly the best results. Some conversations only happen in bed early in the morning, or when you’re together for 144 straight hours.
Photo: Provided by Zach Zimmerman
But we’ve discovered a new fundamental disagreement: coffee. My mom brought a Stanley tumbler on the plane and made coffee milkshakes full of milk and Splenda, but I continued to drink Starbucks black cold brew every day. Yes, there’s a Starbucks onboard Norwegian, so you can enjoy a taste of home at sea. We tried each other’s concoctions, and my mother winced at my concoctions, but hers was sweet enough to ruin mine. Then we went back to our own concoction. You don’t have to agree on everything to enjoy coffee next to someone.
In the weeks since we spent our magical week together, we’ve been texting more often, exchanging screenshots of our daily step counts and memories of our favorite foods as we work through the week’s indulgences. I remember (my mother loved Garden Café’s German chocolate cake) and dream of ocean blue cheesecake in a jar. )
It turns out that the main risk of taking your mom on a Norwegian cruise isn’t that you might fight, but that she might want to make it an annual tradition.
She texted me the following on Mother’s Day:
“So, fellow traveler, where are you going next?”
Photo: Provided by Zach Zimmerman
Zach Zimmerman is a queer comedian, author, and author of the Time Out New York column “Pretending to be a Tourist.” A regular on Comedy Cellar, his Zach has appeared on The Late Late Show with James Corden and his debut album, Clean Comedy, debuted in the Billboard Top 10. Zach’s work has appeared in The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, and The Washington Post. and Zach’s first book, “Is It Hot in Here?” “Will I suffer forever for the sins I commit on earth?” is available now.
