Every summer we’re faced with the same decision: deal with the frustration and boredom at home, or try to have a little fun by taking our (damn) shows on the road. We usually choose the latter, but our “vacations” always promise to be epic failures that make us question all of our life choices.
The word vacation implies relaxation and quiet, or at least the absence of any loud noise or hustle and bustle. Unfortunately, vacations with kids can mean all of this and more. I’m a pessimist at heart, and traveling with small children can throw a lot of punch. But it also offers the chance for some unique experiences, and maybe (surprise!) some family bonding time.
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Not long ago, we had three boys under the age of five who were causing us trouble at home by climbing the walls, so we decided a beach resort within driving distance was what we all needed. So we packed our bags and set the GPS for Dolphin Bay Resort (name changed to protect our culprit boys). The kids had plenty of energy left after being stuck in the car for hours, so I took a deep breath of the salt air, hoped for the best, and let them loose in this poor, unfamiliar beach town.
The next few days were, well, memorable. Just not the way I expected them to be. I quickly realized that vacationing with young kids means messed up sleep and eating schedules and is essentially asking them to wear pants in a different zip code.
In my beach fantasies, I imagined my kids building adorable sand castles and running through the waves holding hands while “The Wind Beneath My Wings” played softly in the background. Instead, I found a group of exhausted, hungry and cranky toddlers whining about having sand in their mouths and sunscreen in their eyes, while my middle son complained that his swimsuit was too wet from the ocean water, while my preschooler son loudly and repeatedly complained about not being able to ride the dolphins.
Obviously the beach wasn’t our thing so we decided to try mini golf, but the kids seemed interested in using golf clubs as weapons and kept complaining about walking around.Add mini golf to the list of 948 things that are fun but kids hate.
I began to realise that this was the exact same ridiculous stuff they do back home, but here the stakes for my sanity are much higher because of the time and money involved. So why can’t we have the best time?! Vacationing with small kids means spending loads of money to deal with shenanigans that we deal with for free at home. And at least there I have my own stuff.
On the way home, I felt like I had run 46 marathons. The physical, mental and psychological exhaustion was overwhelming. I turned to my husband and lamented, “Aren’t you supposed to relax when you come back from vacation? I need a vacation from vacation. And maybe some therapy.”
When we got home, we found an email from the resort stating that there had been multiple complaints from neighbors about the noise and smell (!) and that there were red marks on the couch cushions. In retrospect, the cherry popsicles were probably not the best for a toddler. The most disappointing part was that they said we could never return. Re-reading the email, I understood better. Our kids are so messy that this resort considers us persona non grata. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I chose both. The kids were laughing their heads off, Mommy was going nuts, and it was magical!
This trip was officially proven to be a disaster. This email, along with the visible signs of accelerated aging, were proof to me. After paying damages and writing an apology letter to the resort, I vowed to never leave the house with those three again.
A few months later, my aunt called and said she was throwing her sweet grandmother a 90th birthday party and wanted us to fly over. When we explained that we couldn’t go because we were nearly exhausted from our last trip, it brought back memories of our horrible experience at the beach. But my aunt said it was OK and that she was looking forward to seeing us.
I reluctantly booked a plane ticket back to my hometown of Arizona. Needless to say, I was nervous about trashing my aunt’s house. As it turned out, I was nervous for good reason. We hit my aunt’s house in a whirlwind of bad behavior and contagious disease. Within 20 minutes of getting there, my middle son accidentally broke an antique, my little one ripped all the leaves off a plant, my oldest son put a tampon up his nose, and the other two were angry because I wouldn’t let them do it too. Then, I noticed that my oldest son had red spots around his mouth, which can only mean one thing (bang bang!) Hand, foot and mouth disease. For those of you who don’t know what that is, let me explain. It’s a highly contagious disease that causes red sores all over your body. So now my kids have not only methodically trashed my aunt’s house, they’ve also passed on this nasty disease to them.
You know the old saying that fish and guests stink after three days? I guess we fall into that category. However, it was our first day. When my aunt dropped us off at the airport, we told her we’d be back for Thanksgiving. She was polite and smiled, but when I told her we were starting to look for tickets, I saw fear in her eyes. In my mind, I classified this visit in the disaster category.
A few days later, probably after she had recovered from our visit, my aunt called me to say how glad she was that we visited and that she was so happy we were there. I wondered if she and I were talking about the same trip, but then I began to understand what she was saying. The laughter and fun was so clear. The change of scenery was refreshing and it was beautiful to watch my kids witness the majesty of the Sonoran Desert for the first time. It was heartwarming to watch my grandmother interact with the kids and it was so nice to see the cousins get along so well. There was so much good that all the antics paled in comparison to the cherished memories we made.
I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that chaos is a normal part of traveling with kids. Sure, there’s plenty of mayhem and insanity on these trips, but if everyone comes back alive and no one has to bail, I’ll call it a win. Making unforgettable memories with my family turns out to be worth the cost of traveling with my wild child. That said, I’ll be booking our trip again this summer, just not at Dolphin Bay Resort.
